morning bliss

midnight seranades leading into late night escapades.
gawd we giggled like little girls, the niagra falls were everywhere
with uneasy feet. The trick was to keep moving otherwise we were both bound to explode.
"so monday, right?"
"yeah, but can you lift me?"

baby bloos

Days like television. really?

so today i attended my sister's baby shower. all this talk of babies is getting me really emotional. i mean lately ive been crying over lifetime movies and feeling so "1950s mom". JEBUS this is outrageous. im chanell, the mermaid, never am i like this in a million years. Im diving into philosophy more and more nowadays, getting cultured is my only means of sanity now. Im working on a piece to illustrate what the hell ive become. I blame the opium and codeine, this overly feminine streak has got to go.

 

"YOU drive me to smoke,chanell, you really do"-him to me XD

^portrait of me by cynth. it touched me<3

this is not depression, just an observation.

kiss me deadly.

Weekend whirlwinds. Right now everything is a blur, reality is not sinking in completely i guess. Like swimming in a sea of codeine, i dont know what should be real let alone what i want.
Despite it all the one person who is my world returned to me. For the last year i've been living off memories but now he's back. So why the hell do i have this blank reaction to what should be my glory moment. I really am happy but i dont know its like lately i cant express my emotions right. It worries me it really does. There's just so much shit that comes along with what makes me happy, perhaps thats where this "blankness" is comming from. What.do.i...really want?
That saturday was so amazing...the kiss meant the world to me. i felt so loved. Yet im lethargic and apathetic. I cant stand this, im like losing sight of myself.
i'm convinced i cant live with myself at the moment. You have to fix the breaks in your own life before you can fully enjoy everything and everyone else.

GAW...ive been away from artists for too long.
Artists come back to me, art i need you. here my plea?