in depth.with her

Me(11:02:10 AM): if im unhappy w. surroundings and always frustrated and mad at myself
Me(11:02:18 AM): its impossible to let ur gaurd down
Me(11:02:21 AM): i let it down
Me (11:02:28 AM): and it got me this
Me (11:02:35 AM): "this shitty summer"
Me(11:02:40 AM): as everyone likes to call it
Me(11:02:44 AM): so fck that
Me (11:02:48 AM): gaurd back up
Cynth (11:02:54 AM): :/
Me (11:03:00 AM): he'll come find me, when he wants to
cynth is i (11:03:05 AM): i can understand that
Me(11:03:07 AM): im just sick of seeming desperate
Me (11:03:15 AM): im like calling him whenever i can
Me(11:03:20 AM): planning ways to see him
Me(11:03:29 AM): and none of it falls through or pays off
Me (11:03:31 AM): so in the end
Me (11:03:33 AM): im left here
Me(11:03:43 AM): alone....and wondering what the fck am i doing?
Me(11:03:49 AM): can u tell me?
Me(11:03:51 AM): -___-
Me(11:03:58 AM): its pathetic actually.
Cynth(11:04:07 AM): ughhh
Cynth(11:04:35 AM): i can see where you're coming from and its hard for me to find the words to say :/
Me(11:04:59 AM): ....yup
Me(11:05:06 AM): only logical thing to do
Me(11:05:09 AM): is retreat
Me(11:05:17 AM): care about yourself. fix YOU
Me(11:05:22 AM): fck the world right now lol
Cynth(11:05:23 AM): in all honesty, despite my suicidal tendencies you're a lot more pessimistic than i am :/
Me(11:05:45 AM): because when i get hurt i have self realizations
Me (11:05:52 AM): and this is just what ive concluded
Me(11:06:04 AM): prove me wrong, by all means, prove me wrong

3.71 GPA

damn. i was soooo close to that fucking 4.00 i can taste ;p.
in actuallity i couldve got a 4.1o butttt 4.oo was more realistic. lol
oh well, next semester i'll get it, like i'll make sure i get it.
wow, senior year is like right around the corner. im still tripping out on that ;o


my real life is really aboutta begin. wow.
im hella old as fuck.

well, what do YOU want?

i'm the most indecisive thing to walk the earth.
i hate choosing between two things...why cant i have both?

in a bigger aspect choice is essentially the deadliest verb in the world's lexicon.
ha, choices....funny how they can alter so much. Lately ive been faced with too many. i've been feeling elated then feeling remorseful...and dreary. it wavers back in forth because i seriously dont know what i want.
its like everyones opinions always pop my damn bubble, a mix of honesty and brutality
if you ask me. unintentional? i really don't know.
it leaves me with an even worse complex.

it's like i do, but i don't. i will, but i won't. I must, but i can't.
my passiveness will be the death of me..it really will be.

an almost to honest truth.

"if you want to find yourself by travelling out west

or if you want to find somebody else that's even better

go ahead

go ahead"

-if you want better things

then i want you to have them.

wided eyed

hmm its really quite funny how people come and go in your life.
how people start out brilliant then fall short in your beliefs.
perhaps i've seen people through this clouded veil and now im finally seeing.
its like its not the same anymore. really, a lot of things arent the same.

finding friendships in odd places, brings a smile in for a change.
ha..its quite funny how astrology works.

on a less depressing note...
i think i know what i want finally, like what i want this year
in this time of my life. somethings i want to re-establish and what not.
no more childish drama, through with petty love games, and if you
want to still be a part of me then come find me, im no longer pursuing anybody.
why chase people when theyre only bound to be let downs?

"They say a man is born to go alone

And a woman is born to weep and fret

To stay at home and drown her past regrets

In coffee and cigarettes."

-Tricky

guess who's back.

They say do things in moderation. so i suppose i'll follow words from the "wise".

Lately things have been sparadic, you know never at a constant...changing changing changing. My emotional ups and downs have just been taking a tole, wierd....we aquarius aren't too big on emotions but hey...anythings possible. For the last few months i havent felt complacent but i've been kinda blending in with my surroundings, which is not common. Dressing up seems like a chore, i feel lazy, and ive just

been taking the backseat on a lot of things.

my new years resolution has plumetted at a record high.

so: basically im in the process of remaking myself. no no no, not becoming a totally different person
none of that extreme make over type shit lol just going back to the old wild chanell. this timid chanell
is a bore and must be tossed out with the trash :d
also im developing a fondness for poetry...like free verse poetry.
amazing how many hidden poets there are lying around. ..
well that's it for now, more to come.

PS. need more of this in my life^^^